I didn't get in many workouts this past week...started out with a bang on Monday...but then, Life took over. I woke up with a migraine on Wednesday, so I couldn't work out before David left for work, and on Friday, well...let's just say I was struggling with "girl issues" and leave it at that. ;) So, today, even though I woke up with another headache, I was determined not to let that stop me! I drank TWO full cups of coffee (both for the caffeine and to wash down the ibuprofen for the headache) this morning and mustered up some determination to get back at it.
After my hubby took the boys to the Farmer's Market to find some fresh fruits and veggies this morning, I sat down with my second cup of coffee and the Bible app on my phone (to give me some strength for the journey). After finishing today's reading (I'm attempting to read through the Bible), I got myself up and before I could come up with a single excuse why I shouldn't, I got myself ready to work out. While getting ready, I debated over whether I would drive the mile (or so) to the gym or ride my bike. I was still debating this as I walked out to the garage (after all, the ONLY hill in town is between my house and the gym...and it's a doozy...at least to the non-athletic!). I finally decided on the bike (probably somewhat spurred on by the return of my hubby and boys from said Farmer's Market and my hubby's inquiring if I was going to ride my bike!). ;)
So, I mounted my bike and prepared to head off...my sweet 8-almost-nine(gasp!)-year-old reminding me not to work out so hard that I pass out on the machines (can you tell we watch a lot of Biggest Loser around my house?)...and then demonstrated for me what he's seen on the show. Cute little thing that he is...jogging like he's on a treadmill and then dramatically falling back as though he's passed out. Good thing I love that boy! ;) Anyway, with that image now firmly planted in my head, I was off. But, as I peddled away, I couldn't help but notice a look of pride in my son's eyes as he sent me on my way with a kiss and a wink! He wants a healthy mom. I can't blame him...I want to be healthy for him and his brother...and any grandchildren they might give me someday (WAAAAYYYY down the road!)! :)
I made it to the gym. That may not sound like a big achievement to you...but it was for me. The "hill" that I mentioned earlier is actually an overpass over a major interstate. About midway up the hill, when my legs would not push another rotation on those peddles, I decided to hop (ok...awkwardly climb) off the bike and walk it to the top of the hill. There was a time, not so long ago, that I could actually peddle up that hill...and I'm determined there will be another one soon...but, today was not that day! As I reached the summit and enjoyed the glide down the other side of the "mountain" a crazy idea popped into my head...maybe, rather than just parking my bike when I got to the gym, I'd ride around the trails that surrounded it until I'd ridden for 30 minutes (you see, I have this cool app on my phone called Nexercise that was counting the minutes of my bike ride and taunting me to keep going)! So, I decided that would be my cardio and maybe I'd do the weight machines when I went in the gym. At least that sounded like a good plan at the time. What I didn't count on, however, was the condition of my backside when my 30 minutes of bike riding (over bumpy, cracking sidewalks, no less) was up and the realization that the LAST thing I wanted to do was to sit down on ANYTHING! So...instead, I set myself up on the treadmill and began walking & reading Take Three (the Karen Kingsbury book I'm currently reading).
I can NOT for the life of me get on an exercise machine (or do any exercise, for that matter) without having something to occupy my mind. If my brain is not entertained (or otherwise engaged), then it spends the entire time I'm working out reminding my body of how hard it's working and trying to convince me to give up and go back to the couch. So, if exercise is going to happen for more than five minutes, entertainment is a must! I find that Karen Kingsbury books work well for me because I get so sucked into the story line it's like it's happening in real life! So real, in fact, that as I read during my workout today about one of the characters leaving a crisis pregnancy center, I found myself lifting up a prayer for her (and then scolding myself for being so silly)! But, that engagement in the book does wonders for my workout...by the time I got to a stopping point in the book, I looked down at the treadmill screen and realized I'd been walking for 48 minutes! WHOA!!!
I contemplated working out on the weight machines...but so much time had passed and I just couldn't figure out where to start. This is where Bob, Jillian, or Dulvet would have come in handy. They, I'm sure, would have known EXACTLY what I should have done next...and would have pushed me to do it! But, lacking their knowledge or motivation, I looked through my Nexercise app for types of exercise it records and I saw "rowing" and thought, hey...there's a rowing machine in the gym...so I decided to give it a go. OH. MY. GOODNESS!!!! That thing totally kicked my butt! After only 5 minutes, my arms and legs went on strike and let me know in no uncertain terms that they would NOT be continuing with that exercise (probably, now that I think about it, because I had no way of entertaining my brain during the workout and it succeeded in calling the strike)! So, with a 12-15 minute bike ride ahead of me, I decided I'd had enough for today and made my way out. Kind of an anti-climactic end to my workout...but hey, I'm only human!
With a quick text to my hubby to let him know I was on my way home, I set off again on my bike. I know it wasn't anywhere near the six hour workouts that the contestants on the Biggest Loser face each day they are on the ranch...but for me, it was the longest workout I've had in a very long time! Had I had a trainer there to push me further, I might have done more...but then again, maybe it's just as good that I didn't. After all, my muscles are already complaining...so I might not be able to move tomorrow! But, with my limited time during the week to exercise, I really need these Weekend Warrior Workouts! ;) And for the record...you will NEVER (yep, I said NEVER) actually see me on the Biggest Loser! For one thing, there is NO WAY on the planet I could be away from my hubby and boys for that long (even if I got kicked off in the first week, which would be humiliating, to say the least)! Secondly, as I've said before...I don't do well in situations where I feel judged. And consequently, I most likely would be one of the first contestants to go home...simply because in that type of environment, I would totally shut down. So, if I didn't walk off before the first weigh-in...then, it's fairly a safe bet I'd be voted off in the first week. Knowing that, why in the world would I ever put myself through that type of public humiliation? I watch the show to get ideas on how to work out, motivation to do so, and to cheer on others who are facing the same struggles I face (with more gumption than I'll ever be able to muster, since they are on the show and I'm not). But actually being on the show...that's just not for me (despite the times I've fanaticized about it while watching the show)! Now...if I had a personal trainer that could privately help me work through everything I need to work through to be successful in my weight loss, that would be another story. But that takes money...lots of money...money I don't have! So...here I am blogging...and taking it one day at a time! ;)
Please keep praying for me (if you are praying for me...and if not, please do!). Last week, I wanted to eat anything BUT what's healthy for me. I know, for the most part, it was just a "time of the month" thing (sorry if that's TMI)...but still, I really need to get myself in check. I read this morning on Facebook that a girl I'd graduated high school with died suddenly last week from a heart attack. She apparently had just gotten home from getting her taxes done and was heading to the kitchen to make dinner when she literally dropped down dead...and she's MY age! She wasn't a close friend or anything and I doubt I would have even recognized her walking down the street (I only went to that high school for a little more than a year, since we moved in February of my Junior year, and we had a graduating class of around 150 or more, I think)...but it was certainly a wake-up call! If I don't get my weight in check...that could be me!
Having said that, please don't read that last paragraph as permission to become my diet police. Kind encouragement to keep going is always welcome and very much appreciated, though! I just know myself well enough to know that if you start judging the morsels I put in my mouth it will only lead to rebellion on my part and a destruction of any willpower I might have left. This includes silently judging me with your eyes. You know what I'm talking about...when you look at the food, and then look at me (sometimes with a repeat of glances)...as if to say, "Do you REALLY need to eat that?" or "Is THAT on your diet?" I've struggled with my weight and how that has made me feel different from everyone else for so long that I'd rather sabotage my own efforts and enter my own little world of denial than to fully register any judgment I feel (real or imagined). I'll pretend your words (or the way your eyes suddenly widen at the sight of me eating) don't bother me, and I'll stubbornly add even more to my plate (or eat more later when you aren't looking) than I would have if I hadn't felt judged. That's not to say it's always your fault or that I want you feeling like you have to walk on eggshells around me, either. Unfortunately, my senses have become so fine-tuned to diet police around me, that I'll sometimes feel judgment even when it isn't really there. That's something I'm dealing with...and something I hope to overcome in time. In the meantime, if you see me and think of it, just offer a word or two of encouragement. That will go a long way in diffusing those feelings of judgment that I'm hearing in my head and projecting on to you, whether you are really thinking them or not. :) And pray for me...LOTS of prayer! It's the ONLY way I'm going to get off this crazy roller coaster I've been on for far too long and find out what it's like to walk on solid ground! :)
P.S. Thanks for enduring that rant in my last paragraph. I know most of you who are reading this aren't judging me...either because you are on the same roller coaster, have finally gotten off that roller coaster (and still remember the ride), or just because you love me as I am and in the midst of my struggle to become who might have been! But, sadly, there are those in my life who will take any mention on my part that I'm making a change as their permission to appoint themselves as my personal diet police, not caring for a minute how that might make me feel. So...if you have loved me unconditionally, no worries! That rant was not about you! :) If you're on this roller coaster with me and you've mentioned a crazy bend we're about to go around (again!)...please don't read that last paragraph as applying to you! I don't mind talking about the ride with others who have been on (or are still on) it with me...or even those who want to understand what the ride is like and offer encouragement along the way. But just like on a roller coaster at the amusement park...there is no way to fully understand what you see and hear others talk about if you've never buckled yourself into one of the seats and taken the ride yourself! Not that I advocate others jumping on this proverbial roller coaster...in fact, if you can...avoid it like the plague...just not those of us who have been strapped in and are walking all wobbly-legged and dizzy-headed from the ride! We might just need a shoulder to lean on until we can get our land legs back again! ;)
No comments:
Post a Comment